Mommy Dearest

As this is Father’s Day eve, I feel as though it is an opportune time to confess something that’s been bothering me for the past few weeks…please don’t judge me too harshly for what I’m about to say.

I’m a bad mother.

There, I said it.

You see, a while ago I gave birth to this blog. I labored over themes, pushed to Facebook and Twitter, and even woke up in the middle of the night to tend to its needs (aka: to shut my phone off when it beeped with an email notification telling me that I had a comment to moderate).

For the first few months, I was a diligent parent. I cared for my blog every day, lovingly feeding it tidbits of tech news, making sure its posts got changed, keeping it sheltered from spam. I loved my blog, I nurtured it and I upheld my end of the unspoken bargain we made when I first created it.

Then, I got busy. Well, busier. With Ranker just two weeks away from a soft launch (woot!), I’ve spent the past couple of months in the pre-launch pressure cooker, where there’s never enough time in the day, enough energy in the evening or enough vitamin C on the shelf to keep you doing anything beyond the bare minimum of what’s required to live a life beyond work.

Unfortunately, being a working mom took its toll on my  baby. All of a sudden, it was spending days, weeks, even (gasp) months neglected. Its posts weren’t getting changed, it was starving for new news, and spam seemed to start circling around its edges like vultures, hungrily eyeing my baby as tonight’s dinner du jour.

The whole thing was very octomom. Or, for those of you who have actually had the time to keep track of celebrity (or in this case faux-lebrity) news in the past few months, it was very Kate Gosselin.

It looked like my baby was doomed to languish alone on the interwebs, destined to be a wasteland of great intentions gone awry, just like so many other blogs before it.  And if you think the story of my sad orphaned blog paints me as a bad mother, you should hear the stories my friends and family have about my recent availability (or lack thereof) for them.

Then, on Thursday, I went to my little brother Jake’s high school graduation. It just so happens that Jake’s class contains all the kids I babysat for as a teenager, plus many kids that I taught in Hebrew School, a long long time ago.

Watching all the kids I once sang to sleep, marched to the principal’s office and watched Mary Kate and Ashley videos with, walking proudly down to pick up their high school diplomas made me feel old. (I can only imagine how it makes Mary Kate and Ashley feel).

It also reminded me of how quickly time flies. And how much I don’t want my time to be solely characterized by my work.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my work. Even though I kind of fell into it by accident, product managing for a dynamic, cutting-edge consumer website just so happens to be the career I’ve always craved, even if I didn’t know it until I started doing it. But, if watching the cap-clad kids reminded me of anything, it was that my life is and should be about much more than just functional requirements, wireframes, buttons and bug fixes.

So, my blog, my baby, I am back. I hope you’ll forgive me for taking so much time away from you. For spending the past month firing off quick, thoughtless posts, or no posts at all. For ignoring the comments you begged me to moderate, and for neglecting to give you the posts and promotion you deserve.

In all fairness though, you should know that you’re not the only beneficiary of my graduation revelation. Between my friends and family, my freelancing, my favorite classes at the gym and the long list of exhibits, movies, and books I’d like to get to, you’re still not going to be the sole focus of my time. But I hope you remember that every time I do something for myself, it makes me a better caretaker for you.

At least that’s what those Suave ads in all the magazines that I’m finally getting around to reading say.

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