Home Technology For The House That Has It All (Except A Maid)

I consider myself a bit of an early adopter.  If it’s shiny and new and runs on batteries, I’m probably interested in it, if not salivating over it. I’m also a neat freak. And, one of those weird people who loves all things Sur La Table – from stand mixers to slotted spoons, mandolins to mixing bowls.  Which is how I found myself fantasizing about household gadgets I’d love to own, as I stood there scraping dried spaghetti sauce off a plate at my sink this evening.

Some of these exist. Some of them don’t. Some of them sort of do, but the reviews are so terrible I don’t think they’re worth investing in just yet (I’m looking at you, Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner). But either way, here’s what I was wishing for while I washed dishes tonight. . .

-A portable dishwasher that would fit in my small apartment kitchen and cost me less than a month’s rent.

-A shower cleaning roomba that actually worked.

-A carpet cleaning roomba that actually worked (and cost me less than a month’s rent).

-An automated recording of my mother, built into the TV, to nag me to get off the couch and go read a book…particular when I’m  stuck in one of those awful 16 & Pregnant loops on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

-A spider killing device that allows me to stay at least 5 feet away from any arachnids while also never having to actually deal with their little dead bodies.

-A warning meter for when any of the following are running out (preferably with a magical refill-o-getter so I don’t have to go to the store): laundry detergent, toothpaste, deodorant, dish soap, skinny cow ice cream cones (yeah, I’m addicted). Actually, scratch that. Really, it’s the skinny cow cones I’m worried about running out of. The rest of it can wait.

-An extension cord that adjusts to fit the length I actually need at any given point, instead of turning into a space sucking snake of excess cordage or a tug of war fight to get it as far as I need it.

-A clapper for my heater and air conditioning.

-A clapper for everything else (yeah,  I’ve always wanted one of those).

-One of those awesome omelet-making Japanese cook robots (what can I say, their jaunty chef’s hats just tug at my heart strings).

-A recycling bin that carries itself to the dumpster.

-A smell tracker that could figure out where funky smells were coming from (come on, I can’t be the only one with the occasional funky smells emanating from god knows where in my kitchen) and preferably eradicate them on sight. . .or smell.

-Something that can predict when the really scary commercials (yeah, I hate the Saw clown guy) are about to come on the TV and automatically change the channel to something happy. Preferably House Hunters on HGTV, which is my new go-to happy place in TV-Land.

-A device that could make House Hunters magically appear on my TV 24 hours a day.

-A device that pops out new hangers when I need them…why am I always running out?

-A magic door in the back of my closet that leads to the mythical land of…more closet space.

What about you? What gadgets would you wish for from the home improvement genie?