And here I thought the dreamphone was the height of cellular technology…(AKA: How I Learned To Stop Worrying & Fear The Phone Sex)

The KissPhone lets you send real kisses across the airwaves.

On one of my very first dates with a certain romantic interest who can only be described via the facebook parlance of “It’s Complicated,” I overheard him talking to his mom on the phone. Their sweet-as-pie signoff? He blew a kiss into the phone. Adorable, I know. Girls, I’ll give you a moment to pick the melted pieces of your heart up off the floor.

Now, thanks to a certain French inventor (whose other creations include the very sexy self-bolting door), that man could actually send his mother a real kiss over the cellular airwaves. Suck face with Georges Koussouros’ KissPhone, and theĀ  device “detects the pressure, percussion speed, temperature and sucking force of the kiss, and transmits the data to the loved one at the other end of the line, where the kiss is reproduced exactly.”

All of a sudden, my friend’s endearing kiss-blowing ritual is looking a lot less cute and a lot more Bates motel. Kind of creepy, and definitely wrong on so many levels.

In fact, is there ever a time when a machine simulating the — ahem — more stimulating aspects of human behavior isn’t just plain icky? As much as I’m permanently plugged in to the various geeky gadgets I rely on to get through the day, there are still some things that are better left unprogrammed.

After all, once the machines are capable of making out, you know it’s only a matter of time until they’ll want to take things farther. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not looking forward to trying to explain to my coffeemaker why I just want to be friends.